A wiser man than I once suggested that taking seemingly disconnected situations or observations and finding the common thread or connection between them is a very helpful way to solve some of life’s most difficult challenges. There is little doubt that we are living in epic times. The struggle for most of us to survive is not something we can relegate to the past. Not only is it evident in the developing world, we can touch it with our own hands, see it with our own eyes, and we can also walk away from it because we have no room left in our minds for any more misery.
We have a huge opportunity and a lot of work ahead of us if we want our legacy not to be leaving the next generation with less ability to live more fulfilling lives, feel greater safety and enjoy the freedoms that living in a civil society provides. This daunting glimpse into the future is what sustains the culture of fear in which we are struggling to survive. The feelings that accompany this culture can be overwhelming.
One of the results of living this way is that a high number of people, for the very valid reason of personal safety, choose to take on the role of the bystander. They can watch; they can become involved if conditions align with their own levels of comfort; or they can turn a blind eye. But once they have become aware of a situation, they cannot become unaware.
But this does not have to be our legacy. We hold all the power required to bring a great deal of peace to our world, certainly to our communities. Bystanders have the greatest opportunity to make a difference in how we shape our future. To make it feel safe for people to come out and speak up about the reasons for the fear, we need to build clear pathways of communication in all aspects of our lives. Civil discourse must be taught in our schools and required in our workplaces. Mutual respect between co-workers helps ensure greater productivity and all of the benefits that trickle down.
If we are having difficulty communicating our feelings and are not being given ample space to voice our opinions, then we need safe spaces do this. There are many community groups that encourage the citizenry to get involved in the important social matters of the day. They also can be a direct conduit to assistance for those who need support, especially mental and emotional support. Living in a chronic state of fear more often than not leads to addiction of one kind or another to make it possible to simply cope. The mind boggles.
The actions of providing a safe haven at home, of changing the culture of a work environment from one of disfunction to one of productivity on every level – physical, emotional and spiritual, and of bringing emotional intelligence to our schools so that students learn to be creative and innovative, not just learn the tricks to passing a test are all ways of changing from being a bystander to becoming an activist. How else will we as a society know where we stand and how we feel about things if most of us are hushed up in shadows? We can’t!
These can all happen if we all decide that this is the right thing to do. This momentum has already started. As it grows, and as more and more people come out of the shadows and become truly engaged in their lives, a wave of civility washes in. Like some magic trick, it is okay to be respectful of one another; diversity and inclusivity are honored and recognized as strengths, not liabilities; safety – including safety from poverty, domestic violence and the world of addiction – becomes the responsibility of everyone in the community. There really is safety in numbers, and when the bystanders become active leaders, that safety only increases.
For those of us who want to see identifiable progress within society, the majority of us lean toward civility as a barometer to see how we’re doing. One major component of civility is the set of etiquette guidelines, which over the past 100 or so years, have greased the wheels of accepted social behaviour. The purpose was not so much to be snooty or highbrow as it was to not be rude. As we become engaged in greater numbers in immediately positive and long-range more sustainable life styles, we can encourage more and more people to do the same.
Most importantly have compassion for others as well as plenty of self-compassion. We all must be allowed to move at our own pace, which we alone should choose. If we were all born with the same set of birthrights, does it not also become our responsibility to actively preserve them? Yes, when we can.
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